You’re not what they say

When my son was little he came in crying because his sister called him an idiot.

I said “well, are you?” He said “no!” I said “well, you haven’t got anything to worry about then.”

He stopped crying. Chimp brain out the way, I added “and if you’re not, then that also makes her wrong. So you win on two counts.”

He bounced off, happy.

You are not and cannot be exactly as other people think of you or call you.

Firstly, each person you’ve ever met has a different version of you anyway. Multiple versions of you roam the planet in people’s heads.

Secondly, their thoughts and words simply can’t describe you fully or accurately.

So it doesn’t help to worry what others think or say. Because it’s not accurate anyway. You’re simply not that thing. It’s they who are mistaken. So why are you upset?

Once you’re clear on this, it does pay to consider or find out why they’re saying what they are. Then you’ll get closer to understanding what they’re going through. But of course, most people just respond by calling them a 4 letter word back. Ha.

But you are not off the hook. Because the same applies for what you think of or call others. You operate from your own constructed version of them, all wrapped in your biases then filtered some more through the limited words you know. (in the kids case, “you’re an idiot”.)

We don’t believe what we see, we see what we believe.

It’s quite a leap we’re all making with each other. Which is why over time we are surprised to discover “new” things about each other. The jigsaw puzzle of the picture of someone you think you know is never done as fully as you’ve let yourself believe.

But what if it’s something positive others think or call you? I bet you’ll take that, thanks very much?! Of course. Do. The interpretation might not be fully accurate, but they’re putting wind under your wings rather than trying to take you down.

When it’s positive, it can go in your favour. But beware because it can deceive you too.

Love is blind. When you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags. The red flags over time may hold you down. And other people without the rose glasses might see those red flags clearly.

Whatever we think of or call each other, we’re not actually that. Even those closest to you.

There’s no such thing as “wine”. Just fermented grapes.

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